White House announces new federal agency: OSHIT

In response to growing, widespread criticism of its lack of a coherent plan to extricate American troops from Iraq, the White House announced today a new, multi-billion dollar agency that will be in charge of creating new, catchy acronyms for federal agencies, programs and empty, regurgitated plans.

Ironically, the new agency was not involved in creating its own name/acronym: the Office for Strategic, Helpful Initials and Tactics, or OSHIT. Reportedly, now-departed FEMA director Michael "Brownie" Brown was responsible for the new agency's name.

"It was something that someone overheard Brownie say as he was leaving his last meeting with the President. Everyone involved agreed it was the perfect name for the new agency," said White House spokesman Scott McClellan.

McClellan said there was no truth to the rumor that Brown was asked to head the new agency. "Brownie made the decision to leave the federal government in order to spend more time with his wardrobe, and to start his new consulting firm that specializes in laugh-out-loud irony. We thank him for doing a heckuva job, and hope he continues doing a heckuva job to the - uh, I mean in the - private sector."

The first job of the new agency is already bearing fruit: the "National Strategy for Victory in Iraq," or NSVI (pronounced "nez-vee"). However, an undisclosed source, or "US," hinted that there is already dissension in the ranks, because many in the new agency preferred "National Strategy for Iraq Victory," or NSIV. ("like 'expensive' but without the 'exp'," said the US.)

Indeed, both versions have already been seen in use, seeming to indicate a struggle for power in the agency, which is still without an agency head. "That's right, we're headless," confided another US. "We're waiting for somone in the White House to give us head.

"Er, I mean, give us a head," snickered the US.

An anonymous, secret source (or "ASS," to you and me) indicated that the annual budget for the new agency would be in the tens of billions of dollars. "But that's not much at all, considering that the White House is spending $6 billion a month in Iraq," said the ASS. "And we're accomplishing so much more, with many fewer casualties."

The ASS also claimed that Halliburton was awarded a no-bid contract by the agency to retroactively name the White House Iraq Group, or "WHIG." When asked to verify the story, the first US confided, "Well, I don't know about that, but I'd believe most anything that ASS says, because that ASS is one fine ASS."

"Biggest ASS in Washington," concurred the second US. (Cross-posted at infidelica.)